I'm no genius, but I think space is pretty big -- and we aren't.

Spitzer Space Telescope


So I'm flipping around on the Internets today and I came across some pictures from the Spitzer Space Telescope. It's an infrared telescope that was recently re-commissioned after being down for repairs. I was looking at the photos strictly for the "wow" factor that I get from seeing galaxies and the like; those sort of photos just blow my mind. Just the thought that there are such glories in the universe that don't give a damn about me or my little problems makes me very humble and thankful for this life. But something else got my attention, something that I had considered before and wasn't really a revelation, but it's something I wanted to share as just a reminder of our place.

Now, mind you there are galaxies and nebulae and so on much farther away than this, but this will do. One of the pictures from Spitzer was of a distant galaxy called NGC 4145, about 68 million light-years away in the constellation Canes Venatici. I've done this sort of thing before, where I ask myself just how far away is 68 million light-years? But this time I wanted to know just how long it would take us to get there using some future technology.

So here's what I did. I took the speed of light, times the number of seconds in a minute, the number of minutes in an hour, the number of hours in a day, and the number of days in a year. So:

~ Light Speed - 186,000 miles per second

~ Multiply by 60 = 11,160,000 miles traveled in 1 minute.

~ Multiply by 60 = 669,600,000 miles traveled in 1 hour.

~ Multiply by 24 = 16,070,400,000 miles traveled in 1 day.

~ Multiply by 365 = 5,865,696,000,000 miles traveled in 1 year. Which is also 1 "light year."

~ Multiply by 68,000,000 = 398,867,328,000,000,000,000 miles traveled in 68 million light-years.

In other words, that galaxy is almost 400 quintillion miles away from us.

Now, the fastest man made vehicles are two sun probes called Helios, their top speed is something like 150,000 mph, give or take. Now that really has more to do with the gravity of the sun and the close proximity of the probes to the sun, but okay, we still built it. But, let's look say 100 years in the future, anything more than that and you wouldn't even begin to guess what will take place. But I think we can take a decent guess at the next 100 years. Of course this is just speculation, but that's all we can go on.

Let's say in the future, we decide to send a probe to that crazy NGC 4145 galaxy. Because goddammit, we have to spend our 100 trillion dollar space budget on something! Okay the 100 trillion part is pure fantasy, but we will be sending out more probes in the future. So we work for a decade or so and build the fastest damn thing ever seen by humanity: The Hasenpfeffer 9000 space probe -- brought to you by Walmart's Hasenpfeffer stew!

The Hasenpfeffer 9000 is the finest and fastest thing that Americans can pay for and our Chinese masters can build. That baby will do a sweet 1,000,000 mph! That's right, 1 million miles per hour! So come launch day they fire that baby up and send her on her way. But, I hope you left instructions for whatever future species will be here, because here's how it will play out.

~ Our speed - 1,000,000 mph

~ Multiply by 24 - 24,000,000 miles traveled in one day.

~ Multiply by 365 - 8,760,000,000 miles traveled in one year. That's 8.7 billion miles in 1 year. That's a lot!

~ Divide 398,867,328,000,000,000,000 by 8,760,000,000 = 45,532,800,000

Result:

It would still take us over 45.5 billion years traveling at 1 million miles per hour to reach that galaxy, if the universe is even still around then.

And don't forget, even if we could travel at the incredible speed of light, which is an utterly amazing, unfathomable speed, it would still take us 68 million years to reach that wacky NGC 4145!

Even if my math is off or I skipped a step, there's no getting around just how tiny we are, and how little we mean to the rest of the universe. Humbling, ain't it?

Jesus said he loves me...and other reasons for Christians to have sex.

Because I'm bored.


- The roof was leaking, and I needed a dry place to keep my wang.

- If we don't multiply, the terrorists win.

- Because not having sex is socialism!

- Telling people they will burn in hell just makes me hot.

- I can always say I'm sorry later and ask forgiveness. Forgiveness rules!

- Are you kidding? I'm surrounded by horny virgins!

- Well, all of our leaders seem to be getting their groove on, why shouldn't I?

- Because I'm a man, and she will do as I say! It's in the bible!

- The Lord Jesus rode an ass into Jerusalem, so I'm just following his example.

- Because Argentina pussy is just so sweet! Just ask any Governor of South Carolina.

- That damn altar boy was asking for it! Jesus will forgive me for anal rape of a child, and the church will hide me, so you know, it's all good. Wait, what was the question again?

- Who else will bring the gospel to those two-dollar whores?

- Internet porn just wasn't doing it for me anymore.

- A future crazy-ass Republican President will need some Christian warriors for cannon fodder.

- Eating their weight in cheeseburgers wasn't enough to satiate their carnal desire.

- I'm rife with power. Snorting blow off a hooker's ass is the only thing that can bring you down from that high.

- Have you ever worn a satin robe?

- Wine, candles, bread, and virgins. You figure it out.

- Because as a Christian woman, I was put on this earth to be a baby maker -- and nothing else.

- They're obsessed with sex. This isn't calculus.

- Who gives a fuck? At least that's 2 1/2 minutes they won't be preaching at me.

- I'm just doing unto others as I would have them do unto me. Giggity!

Another gosh darn slap at sanity, and free speech. And look, it's about religion! Wonderful, wonderful religion!

Ireland bucks trend with anti-blasphemy law

Goddamn It, Ireland Outlaws Blasphemy

Well, here I though it was the 21st century, and it turns out to be the 11th. How could I have missed that? They sure make good beer these days. I was thinking it was the 21st century because no thinking person would even consider trying to outlaw something as nebulous as blasphemy, as they apparently recently have in Ireland. Now I know you will say "Jesus McTitfuck, you must be crazy, that could never happen now!" But you would be wrong to assume such a thing. And hey, watch the language, okay? Let's not get you in any trouble.

You know whether this was done to make the Catholic majority in Ireland happy, or because this law was required by their constitution, neither looks good. If it was added because they are trying to protect Catholics, or any religion for that matter, what does that say about that particular religion? And if it was done to satisfy legal requirements, what does that say about the Irish Constitution and the people that decided it made sense?

I mean, this is Ireland we're talking about here. Ireland! Now I know religious intolerance is nothing new in that part of the world, considering the long history of bloodshed in Northern Ireland, but damn, this is just insane. I would expect this in Iran or Pakistan where this probably seems like a no-brainer, and entering the civilized family of nations has rarely been a laudable goal. But not in Ireland. Not even if this is only procedural and is quickly overturned. Goddamn, what the fuck!? Seriously!

Well, scratch off Ireland along with Afghanistan, Iran, Pakistan, and North Korea as places to visit.

From this point I'll just post the best article that I came across on this subject, because from here on out it was just going to be me and every goddamn blasphemous fucking thing I could think of to say about religion, sky fairies, and yes probably even fluffy bunnies if I got mad enough.

And just for clarification purposes and covering my own ass: I am not in any way affiliated with ABC News or Mr. Paulos, and the photo for this post is from the ABC article.

The following story is from ABC News.com

New Blasphemy Law in Ireland
Monitoring the Illogic of Modern-Day Religious Persecution

COMMENTARY
By JOHN ALLEN PAULOS
Aug. 2, 2009

When a modern Western country whose economy is based on science and technology adopts an absurdly medieval law, one would think that this would be a news story of at least moderate size.

Oddly though, almost no attention has been paid in the United Stares to the passing last month of a bill establishing a crime of blasphemy in Ireland.

Approved by the Irish parliament, it states: "A person who publishes or utters blasphemous matter shall be guilty of an offence and shall be liable upon conviction on indictment to a fine not exceeding euro."

Furthermore, "a person publishes or utters blasphemous matter if (a) he or she publishes or utters matter that is grossly abusive or insulting in relation to matters held sacred by any religion, thereby causing outrage among a substantial number of the adherents of that religion, and (b) he or she intends, by the publication or utterance of the matter concerned, to cause such outrage."

Even if I weren't the author of a book entitled "Irreligion: A Mathematician Explains Why the Arguments for God Just Don't Add Up," I would find this bill abysmally wrong-headed.

Even Parodies and Bad Jokes Liable to Fine

Although it provides for exceptions to prosecution if a "reasonable person" finds literary, scientific or other significant value in a work, it would allow for atheists to be prosecuted for denying the existence of God, a denial that clearly causes outrage in many.

Those writing parodies and bad jokes would also be liable to the 25,000 euro fine. Even an innocuous riff on God rescinding the Bible in the middle of the night the way Amazon called back the Orwell book from its Kindle reader could be prosecuted.

And if the reaction of some irate readers of my book is any indication, so could an imagined instant message exchange between me and God that appears in the book.

But non-believers would not be the only, or even the primary, ones affected by this blasphemy bill. People, irreligious or not, presumably could be prosecuted for drawing cartoons of Mohammad. Christians could be prosecuted for expressing scorn or even disbelief in the Christian teachings of other denominations.

Likewise, Jews and others could be prosecuted for denying the divinity or even the existence of Jesus. Or, if atheism is considered a religion (which it is not), atheists also could claim to be outraged by the expressions of their religious countrymen, each of whom could then be required to cough up 25,000 euro.

Law Allows for Confiscation of Blasphemous Materials

The law also allows for the confiscation of blasphemous materials -- novels, non-fiction books, short videos, full-length movies, etc.

Interestingly, the blasphemy law is not the only medieval aspect of Irish law. The preamble to the Irish Constitution maintains that the state's authority derives from the most holy trinity, stipulates that no one can become president or a judge without taking a religious oath, and declares that all citizens have obligations to Our Lord Jesus Christ.

Similar but less overt sentiments and statutes exist in this country. Witness the arguments put forth by many that the U.S. is a Christian country.

More analogous is a little-known example involving the state of Arkansas, which has not yet roused itself to rescind article 19 of its constitution: "No person who denies the being of a God shall hold any office in the civil departments of this State, nor be competent to testify as a witness in any court." A few other states have similar laws.

Same Impulse in Politics

The impulse to enact benighted laws of this sort gives rise to more than these Taliban-like religious laws. After all, it is not only all-mighty deities that need special legal protection. Generals and politicians do too, so the same fearful defensiveness also leads to draconian edicts to protect political leaders and parties from ridicule.

Pakistan, to cite a recent example, has just announced a prohibition of jokes about President Asif Zardari. Anyone sending e-mails, text messages or blog postings containing such jokes is subject to arrest and a 14-year prison sentence. I'm sure even more prohibitive restrictions exist in those hotbeds of free-wheeling political humor, Burma and North Korea.

It's instructive to contrast these authoritarian laws against blasphemy, jokes, political humor and free speech generally with the way people deal with dissent from established scientific laws.

No laws prohibit people from denying that Earth is spherical, that evolution explains the development and diversity of life, or that the moon landing ever took place. The same holds for mathematics. No one claiming that pi is a rational number, that there are finitely many prime numbers, or that Godel's theorem is false has ever been hauled into court.

Of course, I by no means intend to equate the irreligious with scientific quacks. Just the opposite, in fact. It's simply that in most domains, those who insist on denying conventionally accepted beliefs are for the most part simply ignored. Statements that can stand on their own two feet (evidence and logic) don't need crutches (blasphemy laws) to support them.

As mentioned, Ireland is a modern pluralistic state with an educated population, a world-class literary tradition and a healthy economy that has transformed itself in recent years in large part through science and high-tech jobs. To continue this transformation, the religious and irreligious alike should reject this silly blasphemy law.

The religious should probably be most opposed to it, however. Placing punitive sanctions on the robust, or even the rude, expression of irreligious thought does not seem to say much for religion.

John Allen Paulos, a professor of mathematics at Temple University, is the author of the best-sellers "Innumeracy" and "A Mathematician Reads the Newspaper," as well as (just out in paperback) "Irreligion: A Mathematician Explains Why the Arguments for God Just Don't Add Up." His "Who's Counting?" column on ABCNews.com appears the first weekend of every month.

Please, let's get our asses to Mars! ASAP!

A One-Way, One-Person Mission to Mars

The Case for Colonizing Mars


You know, I have always been fascinated with all things celestial since I was a little boy. I'm not sure why exactly. It must have been a movie I saw or something like that. I just find the subject fascinating. And you know, that really doesn't strike me as anything out of the ordinary for someone to be attracted to. After all, to understand the cosmos-- or at least to try to understand the cosmos is to understand where we came from and where we might be going. Even as a fundamentalist Christian I was fascinated by "outer space" and everything in it.

So why do I feel so different these days? Why do I feel like no one really cares that much about it? I'm not going to argue about whether or not other important issues should be put on the back burner, or if they are more important or less important. And I'm not going to concern myself with why people don't seem to be into it. Maybe it's because it's not such a new and fascinating thing these days or because of everyday concerns. I really don't know, and quite frankly I really don't give a shit why. I'm just pro-space exploration. Maybe I'm completely wrong on this subject, in every way, but I'm not able to be any other way. I just get the impression that people don't care as much these days about space exploration and the like as they once did. There are lots of great programs on TV that discuss the many facets and disciplines of space science, and plenty of fictional shows and movies. Yet there doesn't seem to be any great call for new exploration. Hell, most of NASA's probes go unnoticed when they are launched.

And many of these probes have been sent to the one planet that we will ever explore in the foreseeable future. That planet is Mars, of course. From the Mariner missions on down, we have sent probe after probe to investigate our planetary neighbor. Most of them were successful and have given us lots of new data about the "red planet." If it wasn't for these accomplishments we wouldn't even be considering further space exploration-- no question about it. And it certainly has helped to maintain at least a certain level of interest about the cosmos in the public consciousness-- and has even helped to move the debate along.

That's all great and necessary, of course, but isn't it time to move beyond the probes and insert the human component into the mix? I'm not even talking about getting NASA or any other world agency on the ball about this. I mean isn't it time that we as a people, as a species, began looking out beyond the confines of our own little existence? I think NASA and others are already chomping at the bit to get humanity to the far reaches of our solar system. But unless there is a popular will to do this, unless we make this a default mandate for anyone that would ask us to put them in a position of leadership, both scientific and political, the chances of this coming to fruition are much less I think.

Going to Mars is a tough enough challenge when you're talking about probes, but to get people safely to Mars would be a enormous and overwhelming challenge. But the success of such a mission would also be an enormous and overwhelming triumph. And the difficulty of such an endeavor means that we must make this a priority and that the support of the citizenry of the world must be the backbone of it. No compromises must be allowed to take place, and no egos must get in the way. And in doing so the world will see what can be done when we come together as humans instead of fight each other as rivals.

Look, I'm no fool. I know how hard it is to even get countries to agree where they will hold a meeting, let alone what they will discuss. There won't be a damn thing about this that will be easy. People will cry about priorities, about the feasibility, and about the impossibility of committing to such a project. This will be a mammoth undertaking that will push us to the very limits of our human capabilities. The technology involved in this will no doubt be on the bleeding edge, and there will be failures along the way, maybe even disasters. But if we were to quit, or not even try because of failure or the fear of failure, then we never would have made it to the moon, and we would have stopped sending probes to Mars a long time ago.

Sure, I know there are some things that we as humans are currently incapable of accomplishing. We are probably still centuries or even millennia away from exploring other galaxies or even eradicating disease and such on Earth. The vast, unfathomable distances alone will take some new technology to overcome. My own dream is to see the Milky Way Galaxy from an outside vantage point. I can think of no greater glory in this life than to rise out of and above our own galaxy and see it as maybe some other distant civilization sees it, and to know that right there, in that spiral arm exists unique life. What a revelation that would be! But that's just not going to happen. Not anytime soon anyway. I know that dreams like those really are just dreams right now, and will be for a long time to come.

But dammit, we can go to Mars. We must go to Mars. We will go to Mars, eventually. At some point in our future, we will have no choice but to go to another planet. Isn't it better to go now, or to at least start the planning now and learn as much as we can for future generations for when they will need to go to another planet? This planet has seen mass extinctions before. It will certainly see them again. That we will see another ice age is an absolute fact. And who knows what future events will bring to this less than stable planet? And I will freely admit, I also want us to go just for the simple reason that we can. The benefits to me far outweigh the risk and the cost involved. The benefits to future scientific discovery and advancement alone is worth it. Even if we lived on a perfectly calm planet with no danger of future annihilation, I would still say "go."

Believe me, I understand about everyday concerns and mundane details crowding out the grander things that we can contemplate. But we are humans, this is what we do. We explore, we discover. Please don't let me die without knowing that we have at least made plans to go to Mars.

Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?

Copyright ©2009 Rum Tickled Humanist

Sarah Palin: Milking it for all she's worth.

Sarah Palin Matches David Letterman in Cheap, Classless Jokes

Note: this was written before this dingbat announced she was quitting her job as Governor of Alaska. I will address that towards the end of this opinion piece.

Hey Sarah Palin, how about you shut the fuck up? Why wouldn't your daughter (and you know which one Dave, and now me are referring to) get knocked up by Alex Rodriguez? She clearly has no problem with getting her groove on. Stop pretending that your daughter is some virtuous Madonna that is above reproach. She let some dude shove his dick in her like any other horny teenager would. Your cover is blown. You're not the perfect Christian family that you are trying to portray. And your wounded mother act is wearing thin. We know you are already running for President in 2012, and this is some pathetic attempt to lure women voters. That's pretty fucking cynical if you ask me. How stupid and gullible do you think women are?

What makes you think that most women will believe for even a nanosecond that you're standing up for their rights?

And don't you have a state to run? Wait, you know what, on second thought, keep making an ass of yourself and bring the Republican party to it's knees with your idiotic, retarded blathering. Hopefully you will tie your party to the religious nutters like you for good, ensuring that they never win another race. Power hungry fools like you only care about one thing, and that's power and glory. No tactic is off the table, and no lie is too big to overcome. You are using your daughter to garner sympathy from women in hopes of setting yourself up as the protector of women. But most of us are intelligent enough to know that we are seeing one more cynical politician that is out for herself.

And where was this propriety that you allegedly live by when you were slandering President Obama during the campaign? You practically called him a terrorist sympathizer, and you stirred up the innate paranoia and fear that right wing Christians lunatics suffer from by doing so. Spare me your offended sensibilities, asshole. I don't believe for a second that you are offended by anything you hear, considering the ease with which the lies and hyperbole spill from your lips. You sank the McCain campaign thanks to your bizarre babbling on all things global, and now you're sinking the Republican party faster than your ratings sank after your debate. Not that McCain had a choice with the fundies co-opting your party.

Actually, do shut your pie hole, I'll take the chance that fundies will sink the party that was once the party of Lincoln, all by themselves.

And isn't it so nice of you to step down as Governor of Alaska because you wanted to spare the "people." Please. You voluntarily step into the limelight to seek your glory when you had to know that you have no business being one step from the most powerful job on the planet, and we're supposed to believe that you care about the people of Alaska? Are you joking? Let's get to the real reason, shall we?

Dealing with the things that all governors deal with no longer had any appeal for you after you got a taste of the big stage, and now you can't be bothered with the petty details and minutiae of governing a meaningless state where you were no longer quite as popular as you once were. Some will say you are trying to avoid more probes into your actions, but I think it's more about that job holding you back. During the campaign you clearly demonstrated that you have no compunction about getting down and dirty, so I doubt that you were worried about such matters.

No, I think you are just like any other politician out to promote themselves and their agenda, and being a governor was holding you back. Who gives a fuck about the pledge you made when you took your oath as Governor, right Sarah? So you're the wet dream that every nutter has a hardon for? Goddamn, do they plan to ever get back in office? Well I guess it's down to you now that their other sanctimonious golden boy, Governor Mark Sanford got caught with his dick in a woman that wasn't his wife. Well Sarah, at least you aren't boring us to tears. I guess I should thank you for that. Maybe you and Mark could go on the road together as the paragons of Christian virtue that you so clearly are.

Copyright ©2009 Rum Tickled Humanist