Because I'm bored.
- The roof was leaking, and I needed a dry place to keep my wang.
- If we don't multiply, the terrorists win.
- Because not having sex is socialism!
- Telling people they will burn in hell just makes me hot.
- I can always say I'm sorry later and ask forgiveness. Forgiveness rules!
- Are you kidding? I'm surrounded by horny virgins!
- Well, all of our leaders seem to be getting their groove on, why shouldn't I?
- Because I'm a man, and she will do as I say! It's in the bible!
- The Lord Jesus rode an ass into Jerusalem, so I'm just following his example.
- Because Argentina pussy is just so sweet! Just ask any Governor of South Carolina.
- That damn altar boy was asking for it! Jesus will forgive me for anal rape of a child, and the church will hide me, so you know, it's all good. Wait, what was the question again?
- Who else will bring the gospel to those two-dollar whores?
- Internet porn just wasn't doing it for me anymore.
- A future crazy-ass Republican President will need some Christian warriors for cannon fodder.
- Eating their weight in cheeseburgers wasn't enough to satiate their carnal desire.
- I'm rife with power. Snorting blow off a hooker's ass is the only thing that can bring you down from that high.
- Have you ever worn a satin robe?
- Wine, candles, bread, and virgins. You figure it out.
- Because as a Christian woman, I was put on this earth to be a baby maker -- and nothing else.
- They're obsessed with sex. This isn't calculus.
- Who gives a fuck? At least that's 2 1/2 minutes they won't be preaching at me.
- I'm just doing unto others as I would have them do unto me. Giggity!
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